I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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