Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
