i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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