god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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