Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
