i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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