So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
