I didn't shave. On purpose
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
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I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
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We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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