i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This gyro tastes like lonliness
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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