Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
