Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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