my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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