Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
