I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
