i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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