she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
