someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
