Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Damn victory sex feels great
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
