and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
