the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize