your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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