Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
