I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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