i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
