know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
