ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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