We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
