My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
