i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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