So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
