You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
