When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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