Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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