i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
