you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
