Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
