how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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