I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
