Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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