Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Randomize
