your thong is hanging out like whoa
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
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He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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