so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
