please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
