would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
