when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
