I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
