walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
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