I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
