If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
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Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
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Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize