Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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