the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Screwed.edu
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
