I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
