You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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