you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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