do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
i now understand why vodka
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
