Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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