I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
