If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
