I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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