But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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