Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
