I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
