I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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