I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Randomize
