This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
