I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
