he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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