I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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