I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
