yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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