East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
