nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
