I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
